Four years after Freddie Flintoff’s crash, a reboot is reportedly looming. We’ve picked our fantasy petrol-head presenters
Wheels are turning at the BBC. A revamped Top Gear is reportedly in the works, four years after the corporation mothballed the car show after presenter Freddie Flintoff was badly hurt in a crash. Stories emerged on Sunday that the BBC are talking to comedian and renowned petrol-head Jimmy Carr, as well as former rugby player and Celebrity Traitor Joe Marler for presenting roles on a revamped Top Gear.
But could they do better than that? It’s time to eviscerate our motoring metaphors, fire up our engines and see who else might be on the front row of the Top Gear presenting grid, as we rustle up our very own “cool wall”. And on that bombshell…
Tinie Tempah
The rapper from Plumstead has proved himself more adaptable than a Skoda Yeti, segueing from topping the charts to presenting Tinie Tempah’s Extraordinary Extensions, which remains one of the greatest television shows ever made about the magic of side returns.
Along the way, Tempah appeared on Top Gear in 2016 (in a South African Ultimate SUV challenge) and gave a good account of himself on the test track a year later. He also hosted Bangers on Channel 4, so has already spent some time behind the wheel.
Gordon Ramsay
He won’t burn a soufflé, but he sure can burn rubber – the celebrity chef appeared several times on olde Top Gear, twice topping the leader-board as the star in a reasonably priced car (in 2002 and 2006) and proving that it’s possible to be both fast and furious. Counting against him, however, is the fact that he currently appears in every advert on all channels all of the time, and would dovetail with Jimmy Carr as well as chocolate served with fish.
Gillian Anderson
She’s played Margaret Thatcher and Dana Scully, but do Anderson’s acting skills extend to pretending she gives a flying flute about the new BYD Dolphin G DM-i? At the very least, Anderson excelled in her go in a reasonably priced car back in 2013, although she later said that she couldn’t imagine Top Gear without Jeremy Clarkson. And we’re pretty sure he’s not coming back.
Jack Whitehall
When Whitehall took to the Top Gear test track in 2014 in a Vauxhall Astra, he was not only rubbish, but also underqualified – he later admitted he did not have a full driving licence and was driving solo for the first time. On the other hand, it was funny and Top Gear long ago moved away from being a serious motoring show. Basic competence need not be a barrier to promotion. Leading us neatly on to…
Ed Sheeran
He’s in love with ya baah-day. But does he know anything about body-work? No, nothing at all, as was proven in 2015 when Sheeran raced on Top Gear despite having never driven a car before. The resultant segment was of course an instant classic, so as with his mate Whitehall above, don’t rule out the Shee-man (who owns his own fleet of classic cars) from a spell in the driver’s seat. In fact, if he can appear alongside Whitehall as a Star with a Reasonably Priced Car Who’s Playing a Guitar, then we’re all in.
Rowan Atkinson
Atkinson, a renowned petrol-head, would be the ideal choice to present Top Gear, with his brand of physical humour (he once did a segment with Clarkson on old episode of Top Gear in which he reviewed cars using only his face) the perfect foil to the show’s sometimes tiresome bantz-heavy badinage. BBC lawyers, however, may not agree. Atkinson twice crashed his McLaren F1, and if new model Top Gear needs anything, it’s a clean insurance premium.
John Cena
Although the American experiment with Matt Le Blanc didn’t go so well, former wrestler and actor Cena does have the advantage that he looks a bit like a truck.
Cena is an avid car collector too, although his penchant for outlandish custom cars – his modified 5.5l V8 Corvette was called the “InCENArator” and featured eight flamethrowers belching out hellfire – might rule him out if new Top Gear sticks to net zero.
Steve Coogan
An avid car collector, a brilliant performer and a relentlessly funny man, the one hiccup with getting Coogan on Top Gear is that in 2011, he criticised the founding triumvirate of Clarkson, Hammond and May, saying their humour was “lazy, feckless and flatulent” (side note – what’s not to like?). However, he’s a proven engine-lover, and perhaps the new version is set to perform a handbrake turn in its approach, dispelling the flatulence for a whiff of pine-fresh Partridge.
